Dear Mom Who Puts Things Off for the Perfect Time

Dear Mom Who Puts Things off for the Perfect Time,

You know who you are. 

You're the mom who waits for all her ducks to be in a row before taking action. You have many plans, many of them unfinished, and most never even started. 

You want better for your kids. You want better for your marriage, your house, your career, and everything else. 
You want better, but nothing ever seems to get better, does it? 

For you, there is always an excuse for putting things off.

You're waiting for the perfect situation.

You've noticed your kids are struggling with their behavior. You need to address that, but right now you're overwhelmed by the turmoil in your marriage. 

You and your husband are stressed about finances, so you argue a lot. The answer is to fix the financial struggles, isn't it?

You'll work on your marriage as soon as the finances are fixed.

You want to start living a healthier lifestyle, but you can't because you don't know a lot about health. First you'll need to do research, spending hours on the internet, or pouring through books learning everything about it.

Once you know everything about health, you can be healthy.

You've been reading up on this great homeschool method that incorporates art and nature into daily life, but you're not artistic, and know nothing about nature. You're going to have to take some art classes, watch a lot of YouTube videos, and maybe download a few nature study books for yourself.

Once you know all about art and nature, you'll start that new homeschool method.

For you, Dear Mom, there always seems to be a list of things to do before you can do anything.

Your whole life is like this - career, projects, hobbies, and even your family life. 

You're even putting off happiness.

While you're waiting to afford those classes, fix those finances, make peace with your mate, and calm your children's minds and behavior, nothing happens.

Nothing.

Time moves forward, but your life doesn't.

You're frozen by your own stress. 
You're overwhelmed.
You're anxious.

You're all of these things, but there's one thing you absolutely are not.

You're not happy.

With so many desires and needs waiting for the perfect time to be fulfilled, happiness is elusive. For you, happiness is conditional, always just out of reach.

Well, Dear Mom, I have news for you. That perfect day, perfect time, perfect moment, or perfect scenario - it's never going to happen.

Ever.  

It's not going to happen because there is no such thing. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. We have imperfect finances, children, mates, lives, jobs -- everything.

And yet there you are, waiting on a perfect moment to be happy. 
It's going to be a long wait, Sweetie.

That is, unless you pay close attention to what I'm about to say.

Seriously. Stop scrolling or scanning and read this next line carefully. Ready?

Happiness shouldn't be conditional.

I know you're a busy mom, but let me make sure you got that. One more time:

Happiness. Shouldn't. Be. Conditional.

Happiness doesn't have to be elusive.

Happiness isn't an appointment you can reschedule to next week if life gets busy or overwhelming. Life is always going to be busy and somewhat overwhelming.

Happiness doesn't have to wait - and shouldn't wait - on a perfect time because that perfect time will never arrive. Ever. In your life.

So stop it! 

Each day is given to us with so many moments we can fill with joy. These moments can't be rescheduled. You have to live them as they present themselves.

Once the moment passes, it's gone.

As someone who used to live for that someday happiness, I can tell you, I missed a lot of the important stuff. I really did.

And how do you even miss important moments and things when you're home with your kids all the time? You can. I did.

I don't recommend it.

It's sad. It's heartbreaking. It's full of guilt and regret. It's just not a pretty thing to carry around for the rest of your life.

So stop waiting for your ducks to be in a row.

Let the ducks go free. And you do the same.

There's something to be said for organized thoughts. There is nothing wrong with to-do lists and project plans, schedules or routines. We need them to maintain order in our lives.

But happiness is not something that needs to be planned!

Stop overwhelming yourself trying to create or wait for perfection. Give up that ridiculous dream.

Whatever it is you want to do, get to it. Instead of coming up with all sorts of reasons to put it off, start it.

Right now - what do you want to do?

Start a garden?
Go hiking?
Fix your marriage?

OK, now what's the first step? Do that.

Do you need to dig a hole for a seed?
Pack backpacks for a hike?
Apologize to your mate?

What do you need to do FIRST? Say it out loud.
Right now - say it to me.

Now do that thing.

Forget about a better time, a perfect situation, the right moment. Go do it.

Go dig a hole for your plant, or dig yourself out of a hole with your mate, or pack up the car and go on a hike. Just go do it.

Do it today or in the morning, but DO IT.

Then, do the next thing. Need to make a list of the steps? That's fine.
Make it, but don't spend half the day doing it. Scribble it out, and then do EACH THING. And do it right away.

I dare you.

Dear Mom, I'm saying these things to you because you need to hear them. I wish someone had said them to me 30 years ago. Instead, I've had to learn them the hard way. I've had to miss a lot of good things.

I missed out on years of happiness, while I stayed in a miserable place waiting for everything to magically fix itself.

I'll admit I still struggle with procrastinating, but I don't put off happiness. No matter my situation, I find joy. Even on the worst of days, I can find happiness.

You deserve to be happy. 
I want you to start there.

Your first goal: Be happy.

Michelle

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